If possible, both parents should read A Child’s Bill of Rights and sign the agreement before sitting down with the kids.

When & how to tell children about divorce

When you and your spouse are absolutely certain that you will be separating to obtain a divorce, you should jointly decide when to tell the children and what to tell them. It is best to do this shortly before one parent moves out of the house. Both parents should be present when the children are told and all children should be told at the same time. This is a mature, responsible way to deal with the issue and it sends a positive message to the children about their future. Arguing about what to tell the children in front of the children is a recipe for disaster.

What to say to children about divorce

Above all, reassuring the children that both parents have unconditional love for the kids is paramount. It is important to reassure the children that it is not their fault and that you both love them and will continue to be with them. Above all, be honest and remain calm for the kids so that they can see that things will be ok. Neither parent should be blamed for the impending divorce. Kids often expect an explanation for what is happening and it is appropriate to give a general explanation but no specific details should be shared about why you are getting a divorce. However, specific details regarding where the kids will live, where the departing parent will live and how often the children will see and spend time with each parent will comfort them. Therefore, working all of this out in advance is best for the children and will make the “telling” process simpler. One therapist, has created an interactive web-site where you can create a personalized storybook for use in telling your children about the divorce.

What children want to know

• Where will I live?
• How often will I see dad? …mom?
• Will I change schools?
• Will I stay with my brothers and sisters?
• What happens to my dog, cat, etc.?
• What happens if I get sick?
• Did I cause this?

What not to do

Children should not be expected to deal with adult problems. Here are just a few definite “no’s”:

• Never blame the child for the divorce or make him or her think it is their fault.
• Don’t put the children in the middle of an argument let alone an all our war.
• Don’t pull the kids out of class at school to tell them. Do it at home in a safe place.
• Don’t blame the other parent or say bad things about them.
• Don’t ask the child what he or she wants to do. You are the parent and the child expects you to be in charge.
• Don’t pressure the child to choose sides.
• Don’t make promises to the child for the purpose of gaining favor.
• Don’t use guilt!
• Comfort your child; don’t expect the child to comfort you!

Get professional help

Each family situation is different. Before you sit down with your children, you should consult an attorney and work out the specifics on child custody and visitation. You should also consult with a licensed mental health professional for advice on how to address your children’s needs before you break the news. At Rice Law, we often work with Denise Scearce, MSW, LCSW and Bridge Builders Counseling and Psychotherapy in Wilmington.

Sources
http://helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnsdivorce/0,,p5dw,00.html
http://singleparents.about.com/od/communicatingwiththekids/tp/Tell_the_Kids.htm
http://life.familyeducation.com/divorce/parenting/45564.html

It can be difficult to know where to turn when dealing with divorce, child custody, money, and property issues. Unfortunately, most people don’t spend much time selecting their legal representation, immediately signing on with a law firm shared by a neighbor or friend. Because changing lawyers mid-case can be costly and sometimes case-damaging, consider these nine things when selecting a divorce attorney that will protect your children and your assets:

1) Experience in North Carolina family law

Look for an attorney with substantial experience in the area of North Carolina Family Law. A family law-focused attorney is more familiar with state case law, local rules, required procedures, and opposing counsel. Armed with this experience, they should be able to give you good advice regarding the facts of your situation. Rice Law is experienced in these areas. In fact, one senior member has over 38 years of experience in family law.

2) Strong client testimonials

Is the referral based on a successful case? A referral from a trusted friend or business colleague concerning the quality of service by their attorney is an important consideration.

3) An accessible attorney

Be careful not to seek out the busiest lawyer unless you are confident that they will have adequate time for your case. One of the most common complaints about divorce attorneys is a lack of accessibility. A recent study of client satisfaction revealed these complaints against North Carolina attorneys, stating: “The lawyer didn’t return my phone calls,” “He didn’t seem to have time for me,” and “She didn’t discuss my case with me until the day of the trial.” At Rice Law, we pledge to keep you informed at every stage of the litigation. Abd we offer both traditional support and a 24/7 secure online Law Office with information on your case. Select an attorney who’s accessible and will prepare you for trial.

4) The right support

Will all the work be done by the attorney charging you an hourly rate of $200 or more an hour, or is the firm large enough that a paralegal can prepare subpoenae, an associate attorney can perform the legal research, and an experienced litigator can take the case to trial? At Rice Law, we can staff every need.

5) The right approach

Is the attorney an aggressive litigator that can stand up for your rights or does the attorney push settlement and mediation? At Rice Law, we encourage case settlement on reasonable terms and encourage mediation𓴼and we aggressively litigate when reasonable settlement efforts fail.

6) A range of services

Does the lawyer only provide full-service representation, or are they willing to unbundle services to meet your legal and financial needs? At Rice Law, we offer traditional full service representation as well as unbundled services, many of which allow for self-representation.

7) Initial consultation fees

New attorneys often offer an initial consultation without charge. Established attorneys generally require a flat fee for an initial consultation or their hourly rate.

8) Flat fee or hourly rate

A flat fee gives you the peace of mind that you’ll only spend a certain amount for the contracted legal services. However, to control the risks of a flat fee, many attorneys specifically limit what the flat fee engagement entails. The advantage of an hourly rate contract is that the engagement is usually not limited, ensuring the attorney will be able to take every available action to advance your case.

9) Someone you can trust

Exercise caution in selecting your divorce lawyer. Seek out an attorney that’s right for you—someone you can place your full trust and confidence in, as this is essential to successful representation. Rice Law believes the client-attorney fit is of utmost importance. That’s why we carefully evaluate each case and decline those that don’t fit.

Published February 5, 2009 | Authored by Mark Spencer Williams, Rice Law, PLLC